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Forum -> Smalltalk - Offtopic -> Letter of Motivation - FSJ

Letter of Motivation - FSJ

Alles was in den anderen Foren kein Platz hat ;)

Beitragvon Magnusson » 11.01.2010, 03:01


Hey Leute,
ich hab jetzt ne halbe Ewigkeit(5-6h) an meinem Letter of Motivation gesessen und bin zwischendurch regelmäßig verzweifelt, ich würde euch bitten mal drüber zu schauen und mir zu sagen was ich verbessern kann.
Vielen Dank im Vorraus :)


Letter of Motivation

Dear Mrs. XY,
I am writing with reference to a place as a volunteer at your school.
I will take my A-levels this June and would like to do my Voluntary Social Year Abroad(FSJ) at your school, starting this autumn.

When I was about thirteen I thumbed through an atlas and found a map of Australia, it aroused my interest immediately so I went to the local library on the next day and borrowed a few books.
Since then I was fascinated by this country, in the following years I got a few books about Australia on Christmas, I devoured them in almost no time.
A friend told me about the possibility to do my voluntary service at a Waldorf School in Australia, this seemed just perfect, because I wanted to do a voluntary service where I can work with children anyway.
As a Rover Scout I am used to supervise and to play and work with children of different ages, because this was one of our main duties at camps and activities.

I lived in Berlin for the first seven years of my life, then moved to a farm near Wittlich, which is located in the very west of Germany, after ten years in Wittlich I moved to Utting, Bavaria where I still live today.
I always integrated quickly into the new environment and found new friends soon.
Although it was not always easy, I am glad that I experienced living in a big city as well as living on a farm.

My time in Wittlich has probably influenced me the most, because I learned a lot of things like driving a tractor, cutting, splitting and chipping wood, handling with a lot of different animals such as pigs, goats, horses, rabbits, hares, dogs and cats, planting crops and doing manual labour.
Since I moved to Bavaria my life has changed a lot, I had to pick two intensive courses and went for English and a subject which is called Economy and Law.
I chose English, because I like the English language and I am looking forward to improve my English in Australia.

Last school year I was elected first head boy(there are three head boys/girls at our school), during this time I had to organise little parties for younger pupils, school events like our summerfestival, our christmas bazaar and the annual meeting of class representatives, where the head boys/girls are elected , I had to tell the younger pupils what it is like to be a head boy and many other things.
For nearly two years I am one of six tenors in our school choir and enjoy singing with friends
(e.g. at campfires).

I participated in two student exchanges, one with Brunoy, France and one with Szarvas, Hungary.
It was a great experience to see how people live in other countries, to speak a foreign language not only in class but with native speakers and even dream in another language.
I am a person with diversified interests, I am always open-minded about other cultures, new ideas and ways of thinking.

I think all these experiences are helpful doing my voluntary service at the Glenaeon Rudolf Steiner School and I would be very pleased to work together with you and your colleagues.


I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerly


Vorname Nachname

Magnusson
 
Beiträge: 3

Beitragvon Albin Gospos » 11.01.2010, 22:15


ich würde ihn auf jeden Fall nochmal korrigieren lassen, was das Englische angeht z.B. "learned a lot of things like driving a tractor"

ansonsten würde ich mich mehr auf die wesentlichen Sachen konzentrieren. z.B. weniger über die Umzüge in Deutschland erzählen und mehr über die Erfahrungen beim Austausch.

Auf jeden Fall auch nochmal die Form überarbeiten z.B. braucht nicht jeder Satz einen eigenen Absatz/Hardreturn.

Das Einleitungsthema finde ich gut gelungen, das macht es sehr gelungen, aber andere mögen das vielleicht irrelevant finden.

Albin Gospos
Ehemaliger
 
Beiträge: 240

Beitragvon Magnusson » 12.01.2010, 22:55


Hey Albin,
ersteinmal vielen Dank dafür, dass du dir die Mühe gemacht hast!
Habe meiner Englischlehrerin das Schreiben gestern mitgegeben, ich bin selber auch nicht zufrieden damit, war nur erstmal froh, dass ich es geschafft habe meine Schreibblockade zu überwinden...

Bei der Sache mit den Umzügen gebe ich dir Recht, ich hätts am liebsten weggelassen, da sie aber eine wichtige Rolle in meinem Leben gespielt haben, wusste ich nicht wie ich manche andere Sachen schreiben soll ohne die Umzüge zu erwähnen...

Was den Aufbau angeht kann ich nur sagen, dass kein Plan dahintersteckt.Ich war ziemlich verwirrt, weil es schwer ist im Internet etwas zum Motivationsschreiben für das FSJ zu finden...

Zuletzt geändert von Magnusson am 12.01.2010, 23:02, insgesamt 1-mal geändert.
Magnusson
 
Beiträge: 3

Beitragvon Albin Gospos » 12.01.2010, 22:57


bitte...

Albin Gospos
Ehemaliger
 
Beiträge: 240